by Darrin Pfannenstiel, J.D., M.Ed. | Dallas Therapist for Individuals and Couples | Serving the DFW Metroplex and Texas

In today’s professional world, it’s common for my clients — health professionals, attorneys, corporate executives, and business owners — to report that they feel overwhelmed by the relentless demands of their work.

As an attorney and therapist based in Dallas, specializing in working with high-achieving professionals, I often see clients who feel trapped by their workload — convinced they have no control over their deadlines and job demands. They report feeling unhappy and stuck, with little-to-no-choice over their daily happiness.

This perpetual cycle of work can lead to significant stress, burnout, and a detrimental impact on mental health. But, more often than not, that’s not actually the case. Rather, the problem is one of perception. In this article, we’ll explore this common misperception and offer some strategies to help dissolve it.

UNDERSTANDING THE PERCEPTION OF CONTROL (OR LACK OF IT)

One of the key issues my clients face is the perception that they have no control over their work. This sense of helplessness has become incredibly stressful to them. They report difficulty with sleep, no time for themselves or family, and feeling like all they do is work and engage in the routine day after day. However, understanding that this perception might not fully reflect reality is the first step towards regaining a sense of control.

In fact, one of the first things I see in clients who report feeling stuck in their lives or careers is that they confuse “Lack of Control” with “Out of Control.”

Feeling a Lack of Control

When we feel a lack of control, we experience a sense of helplessness or powerlessness over specific aspects of our life or work. “Lack of Control” is often tied to external factors that we perceive (correctly or incorrectly) as unchangeable or beyond our influence such as:

• External Constraints: This feeling usually arises when external circumstances, such as job demands, deadlines, or decisions made by others, seem to limit our ability to influence outcomes.

• Predictability and Stability: Yet, there is often still some level of predictability and stability in the situation, even though we feel we cannot change it. For example, knowing that we have a heavy workload and tight deadlines but feeling unable to modify these.

• Focus on Specific Areas: This sense of lack of control is often situational and focused on particular areas of life, such as work or personal relationships. It’s not as pervasive as we may feel.

• Emotional Impact: Feeling a “Lack of Control” can lead to feelings of frustration, resignation, and low motivation or energy. Over time, this feeling may contribute to stress or depression/anxiety, but usually some level of functionality and stability actually still remains.

Feeling Out of Control

Feeling “Out of Control,” on the other hand, is a more intense and overwhelming experience. It involves a pervasive sense that our life or emotions are chaotic and unmanageable. Key characteristics include:

• Internal Turmoil: Feeling “Out of Control” often comes from internal states, such as extreme stress, anxiety, or emotional overwhelm. It can be triggered by external factors, but the primary experience is an internal sense of chaos. It comes from within!

• Unpredictability and Instability: Life feels unpredictable and unstable, with a sense that anything could go wrong at any moment. There is little-to-no perception of stability or order.

• Pervasive Impact: This feeling affects multiple areas of life simultaneously, creating a sense of global dysfunction. It’s not just about work or a relationship; it’s about an overall lack of coherence and control in life.

• Emotional Impact: Feeling “Out of Control” leads to heightened anxiety, panic, and sometimes a sense of impending doom. The emotional toll is much higher, often accompanied by physical symptoms like heart palpitations, sweating, and difficulty concentrating.

Why Is It Important to Understand the Difference? (Feeling vs. Reality)

The reason it’s important to understand the difference between feeling “Out of Control” versus feeling “Lack of Control” has to do entirely with the strategies used to address them. While both feelings can be detrimental to mental health, each requires different approaches:

• For Lack of Control: Strategies might include time management, setting boundaries, improving communication, and seeking support to influence the areas that feel uncontrollable. Therapy can help develop coping strategies, communication skills, and help change perceptions.

• For Feeling Out of Control: Strategies are needed to address the underlying anxiety, stress, and self-narratives. Techniques like mindfulness, cognitive-behavioral therapy, stress management, and sometimes medication can be effective. Re-establishing routines and seeking professional support are essential steps to regain a sense of stability.

But before we even get to some of these strategies, I often help clients first understand that feeling out of control (or lacking control) is entirely different from actually being out of control! Often, clients simply misperceive their situations and the actual amount of choice they do have.

They become so overwhelmed that their emotions override their ability to reason. They feel so stuck because they are unable to manage and process their emotions around feeling helpless and powerless. Once we are able to explore and process what’s going on, it doesn’t take long for clients to dismantle their misperceptions and to begin to focus again on where they actually have some choice and power over their situation. Then, with a little help, they can approach their predicament in a more calm, controlled way and actually develop their own personalized strategies to regain a sense of direction in their lives and career.

PERSONAL INSIGHTS AND ENCOURAGEMENT

As someone who works extensively with high-achieving professionals — and is also an attorney and former corporate executive — I understand the unique pressures you face. Many of my clients feel compelled to work long hours, often skipping therapy or personal time because they believe it’s the only way to meet their job demands. However, it's important to challenge this perception and recognize that there are choices and changes you can make to regain control over your work life.

You might be surprised to learn that reducing your work hours or taking regular breaks can actually improve your performance and job satisfaction. By addressing the root causes of your stress and implementing practical strategies, you can create a healthier work-life balance.

HOW TO REACH ME FOR HELP

If you’re struggling with work stress and feel trapped by your job demands, I encourage you to reach out for support. At Eros Counseling, I specialize in helping professionals like you manage stress, regain control, and improve their overall well-being. Together, we can develop a tailored plan that addresses your unique challenges and empowers you to thrive both personally and professionally.

To schedule a consultation or learn more about my services, please visit Eros Counseling or contact me directly. Remember, taking the first step towards managing your stress is a sign of strength and a commitment to your well-being.