by Darrin Pfannenstiel, J.D., M.Ed., LPC-A | Therapist - Men, Women, and Couples

Living with anxiety can be challenging, but it can be even more difficult when you feel like you're dealing with it alone. That's why it's important to reach out to your loved ones and ask for their support. However, communicating about your anxiety can be a tricky conversation to have. Here are some tips for navigating that conversation and asking for the support you need:

1. Choose the right time and place.

When you want to talk to someone about your anxiety, it's important to choose the right time and place. Make sure that you have enough time to discuss your concerns without feeling rushed and choose a location where you can have a private conversation without distractions. This will help you feel more comfortable and open about your feelings.

2. Be clear about your needs.

Before you start the conversation, it's important to be clear about what you need from your loved one. Do you need them to listen and provide emotional support, or do you need them to help you with practical tasks – in other words, to offer solutions or advice? Make sure that you communicate your needs clearly, so that they know how they can help you. Often, when we turn to loved ones, they want to help, but in doing so, frustrate us or increase our anxiety even more if the advice feels like judgement or pressure. Being clear upfront helps avoid this potential pitfall.

3. Be honest and open.

It's important to be honest and open about your anxiety. Share your experiences and feelings and be specific about what triggers your anxiety. This will help your loved ones understand what you're going through and how they can best support you.

But, a quick word about “feelings.”  In our culture, it is very common for me to hear my clients say things like, “I feel my boss doesn’t understand me.”  While my client is using the words, “I feel,” what they are actually stating is a belief or opinion, not an emotion.  So, when I suggest that you share your feelings, what I mean is that you should be using an emotion word such as “I feel sad.” “I feel worried.” 

4. Use "I" statements.

When you communicate your feelings, use "I" statements instead of "you" statements. For example, instead of saying "You make me feel anxious," say "I feel anxious when I'm in this situation." This will help you avoid sounding accusatory or blaming and will help your loved one understand your perspective better.

5. Listen to their perspective.

Remember that communication is a two-way street. Listen to your loved one's perspective and try to understand how they feel. This will help you build empathy and strengthen your relationship. It's important to remember that they might not have experienced anxiety in the same way that you have, but that doesn't mean that they can't support you.

 My biggest piece of advice to clients is that curiosity is their friend. Ask questions about of genuine curiosity with an attempt to understand their perspective. That doesn’t mean you have to agree with it. And be careful not to use questions to drive home a point. That’s not seeking to understand. That’s seeking to persuade, and that’s not what we want when we are listening to another’s perspective.

6. Be patient.

Changing behavior and building new habits takes time. Be patient with yourself and your loved ones as you navigate this process. It might take some time for them to fully understand your anxiety and how to support you, but with patience and open communication, you can work together to find a solution that works for everyone.

Talking to your loved ones about your anxiety can be a difficult conversation to have, but it's an important step in managing your anxiety and seeking support. By choosing the right time and place, being clear about your needs, being honest and open, using "I" statements, listening to their perspective, and being patient, you can communicate effectively with your loved ones about your anxiety and ask for their support.

Remember that everyone experiences anxiety differently, and that's okay. By working together and supporting each other, you can navigate anxiety and overcome it.

If you're living with anxiety and would like additional support, contact me. As a therapist specializing in anxiety, I can help you develop strategies for managing it and can provide a safe and supportive space for you to explore your thoughts and feelings and where the anxiety is coming from.

Don't let anxiety control your life – take the first step toward getting the help you need. Contact me today to schedule a consultation.