by Darrin Pfannenstiel, J.D., M.Ed., LPC-A | Therapist - Men, Women, and Couples

In the realm of the workplace, having a difficult boss is a common challenge. However, some bosses exhibit traits that go beyond mere difficulty—they may be narcissists. Working under a narcissistic boss can be a daunting experience that negatively impacts your mental well-being. In this blog post, we'll explore the top signs that indicate your boss may be a narcissist. Recognizing these signs is the first step towards empowering yourself and effectively managing this complex dynamic.

1. Grandiose Self-Importance

Narcissistic bosses often have an inflated sense of self-worth. They believe they are superior to others, constantly seeking attention, admiration, and validation. They may exaggerate their achievements and demand constant praise. But beware. Narcissist often exhibit what psychologists call “superficial charm.” Many people mistakenly believe they could easily spot a narcissist, but that’s actually not altogether true. More often than not, most people cannot spot them because they are not always obvious in the way in which they are self-absorbed, grandiose or entitled. It can come across as a humble bragging or false humility.

2. Lack of Empathy

Empathy is usually in short supply when it comes to narcissistic bosses. Empathy is the ability to see another’s view-point and to understand and acknowledge how another might be feeling even if we don’t agree with it. Narcissist often struggle to understand or relate to the feelings and experiences of their employees. Your concerns and emotions may be dismissed or disregarded. Or, they apologize not because they actually feel bad. They are apologizing because they look bad. That’s a big difference!

3. Exploitative Behavior

Narcissistic bosses tend to exploit their subordinates to further their own agenda. They may take credit for your work, assign excessive tasks without considering your workload, or use manipulation tactics to advance their own interests. They don’t respect your time or personal boundaries in most instances.

And they may also tell you one thing regarding a project, ask to you execute (or not) on a given issue, and then “ding” you for it in your annual review. This would be a form of “gaslighting” you to hold you down as a means to lessen their own feelings of being threatened by your work or your talent.

4. Constant Need for Control

A narcissistic boss craves control and micromanagement. They want to be involved in every aspect of your work, leaving little room for autonomy. They may impose unrealistic expectations, monitor your actions excessively, and resist delegation. For example, they may assign work to be done right after or around the date of your wedding or other important personal life event, or assign work that is designed to stress you out or place additional burden on you versus it having an actual purpose.

5. Frequent Mood Swings

Dealing with a boss whose mood fluctuates drastically can be emotionally exhausting. Narcissistic bosses may exhibit volatile behavior, switching between charm and aggression unpredictably. This creates a tense and unstable work environment. The charm will typically come out in public-facing events especially where higher-ups are present or are stopping by. For example, you may doing a team-building exercise which your boss never attends. In fact, your boss may not even know the names of his employees, but the minute the CEO steps in, curious about the fun your team is having, your boss may act very engaged and charming with employees to put on a show for the CEO.

6. Lack of Accountability

Taking responsibility for their actions is not a strong suit for narcissistic bosses. They often deflect blame onto others, including their subordinates, to protect their image and avoid accountability for mistakes or failures. They will often gaslight you by claiming you did not understand.

7. Undermining and Gaslighting

Narcissistic bosses may engage in undermining behaviors, such as spreading rumors or belittling your achievements. Gaslighting is another common tactic, making you doubt your own perceptions and reality, leading to confusion and self-doubt.

One way they do this is to put you on the defense by barraging you with many “why” and “why not” questions about your work. When someone asks us “why” questions, it automatically puts us on the defense. It causes us to panic to scramble to explain ourselves, but with a narcissistic boss, our answer is met by yet another “why” question or a counter-point or criticism. And they commonly do it in front of others in an effort to humiliate the employee.

The best way to counter this gaslighting technique right from the start is to turn the tables back on them, and ask them “why” or “what” they are getting at so that you can understand their concerns. It’s not fool-proof, and it’s an art to be done carefully with the tone of voice expressing your desire to help sincerely, but it does work. In fact, it’s a strategy I unfortunately had to use in the past to counter narcissism in the workplace.

When to Seek Help

Working under a narcissistic boss can be emotionally draining and detrimental to your well-being. By recognizing the signs—grandiose self-importance, lack of empathy, exploitative behavior, need for control, mood swings, lack of accountability, and undermining/gaslighting—you can gain insight and develop strategies to manage this challenging dynamic.

Remember, you deserve to work in an environment that respects your contributions and supports your growth.

But, if you find yourself struggling, I can help. You can learn strategies and coping techniques to empower yourself and take steps towards a healthier work-life balance. You can build skills to have the strength to navigate the complexities of a narcissistic boss and protect your mental well-being.