A Hand in Solidarity: Supporting the Jewish Community in Difficult Times

by Darrin Pfannenstiel, J.D., M.Ed. | Dallas Therapist specializing in Individual and Couples Counseling in the DFW Metroplex and throughout Texas

In the wake of recent events in Israel, many within the Jewish community and beyond find themselves grappling with a maelstrom of emotions. From anger to profound sadness, these feelings emerge powerfully, especially for those with family or close ties in the region. For Jewish individuals, the distress runs deep, shaped by both historical and present-day events. Yet, even for those of us outside the community, it's a time to extend our hands in solidarity and support.

Empathy at the Forefront

Empathy, as defined, is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. In times of crisis, it becomes a beacon of light. We must remember that while geopolitics is vast and complex, at the heart of it all are individual human beings – parents, children, friends – all experiencing very personal emotions and struggles. By beginning with empathy, we're laying a foundation upon which meaningful support can be built.

A Brief Overview (Without the Politics)

While it's tempting to delve into the political intricacies of the situation, it's essential for our purpose here to focus on the human aspect. The events in Israel are not just headlines on a newsfeed but represent real stories, real fears, and real losses for many in the Jewish community. Each report brings with it a cascade of emotions, especially for those who see it as an attack on their ancestral home and their people, regardless of their current geographical location.

Navigating Emotional Turbulence: Coping Strategies

For those feeling overwhelmed, here are some coping strategies to consider:

Avoid News Overconsumption: While it’s essential to stay informed, there's a thin line between awareness and inundation. Continuous exposure to distressing news can amplify feelings of anxiety and hopelessness. Allocate specific times in your day to catch up on news and then give yourself permission to disconnect.

Seek Support: You're not alone in this. Consider joining a support group, attending community gatherings, or seeking therapy. These can be online or in person for those who have difficulty with transportation or fear gathering publicly just yet. These can be spaces where you can express your feelings freely and gain perspective.

Stay Connected: Whether it's family in Israel or a friend in another city, maintain your connections. These bonds offer mutual comfort and support.

For Friends and Allies: How Can You Support?

To those outside the Jewish community looking to extend support, here are some steps to consider:

Listen Actively: Often, the most powerful support isn’t advice or solutions but merely a listening ear. Often, we desire to help or to “fix,” but if you really think about it, often that is about us, not the other person. We’re grappling with the anxiety of our own discomfort because we don’t know how to help. So, what do you do? It’s simple. Just allow your Jewish friends and acquaintances to share their feelings without judgment from of you and without your trying to comfort or fix their feelings. Simply let them know you’re here for them.

Educate Yourself: The more you know about the historical, cultural, and personal aspects of what’s happening, the better equipped you'll be to support meaningfully. Books, documentaries, and conversations can be great starting points. Best of all, don’t be afraid to say you don’t know and ask questions. If you’re worried your question will come off the wrong way, tell them you’re not educated on the topic, and ask them to help you understand.

Avoid Comparisons: Remember, everyone's pain is unique. While it might be tempting to draw parallels with other global events or your own experiences with intolerance, injustice, pain, and prejudice, resist doing so. Instead, acknowledge the individuality of their experience. To understand this, imagine you’ve just shared a cancer diagnosis with a friend who pivots to their own experience with cancer. While your friend is well-meaning in trying to show you that they “know what it’s like to have cancer,” they really don’t know your experience since everyone is different.

Offer Practical Help: Maybe they need someone to talk to, or perhaps they could use assistance with day-to-day tasks. Maybe they’d just like to go for a walk or a nice dinner either to get a break from what’s going on, or to talk about how they’re feeling. In short, let them lead. You’ll find that if you offer your help genuinely, it will go a long way.

United in Hope and Solidarity

In times of distress, the strength of a community shines brightest. Whether you're part of the Jewish community or an ally, it's a time to come together, understand each other, and stand united against hate and violence. By offering a hand in solidarity, we are not only supporting those immediately affected but also weaving a stronger societal fabric for everyone.

Resources

For those seeking further help or guidance, consider supporting these causes:

• Hate Has No Home.  Their website is https://hatehasnohome.org/index.html. “Hate Has No Home Here” encourages other communities to participate in combating hateful messages and behavior in their neighborhoods and the broader community.

• Donate to the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC).  https://www.splcenter.org/about. Use their Intelligence Project which monitors incidents of hate globally and in your community, and how to combat it.

• Visit the Anti-Defamation League’s website at www.adl.org to sign up to stay informed and learn more.

As we navigate these trying times, let's remember the words of Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel, "The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference." Let us be anything but indifferent. Let's stand united in love, understanding, and unwavering support.

Darrin Pfannenstiel is an attorney-turned-therapist serving men, women, and couples in the Dallas area at his practice called Eros Counseling —  www.eroscounseling.com.

He has practiced Buddhist meditation and mindfulness for over 25 years — having formerly taught meditation at a Buddhist center when he lived in Austin. He specializes in working with both individuals and couples.

Darrin helps clients gain insights into their inner strengths so they can learn how make their own positive changes in their lives.

He is also a Certified Sex Therapist (CST), and is trained in The Gottman Method for couples counseling.

As a writer, Darrin aims to share practical strategies and insights to help readers improve their mental health and live a fulfilling life.