Balancing Work and Life: A Therapist’s Perspective
Darrin Pfannenstiel, J.D., M.Ed., LPC-A | Therapist specializing in Stress Management, Relationship Counseling, and Integrative Sex Therapy
Hello again! I hope you enjoyed my first installment, "Shifting Lanes: From Law to Psychotherapy," where I shared insights about my personal transition from law to psychotherapy. In this second post in the series, "From Law to Wellness: A Journey through Therapy, Mindfulness, and Sexuality," I'll be discussing a topic that many of us grapple with – achieving work-life balance.
As someone who was once deeply immersed in a high-pressure legal career, I can personally attest to the rigors and challenges of maintaining a work-life balance. But what does “work-life balance” actually mean? At its core, it signifies an equilibrium where neither work overshadows personal life nor vice versa. It’s not merely about distributing equal hours between work and home. Rather, it’s about understanding how to be fully present in both domains without feeling stretched too thin.
Here are some key strategies I recommend from a therapist's perspective:
1. Set Boundaries, but Use Rituals To Do So: It's vital to establish clear boundaries between work and personal time. That seems rather simple and straightforward, but an especially useful technique is to develop a ritual that you use when you go to work, and one when you leave work behind. For instance, I have a friend who always wears a cardigan when he sees therapy clients. Upon arriving at work, he takes it off the back of his chair, and puts it on to symbolize a sort of “armoring up” for the day’s clients since, as therapists, we often hear difficult stories. Then, at the end of the day, he removes it and leaves it on the back of his chair to symbolize leaving all that he has heard “behind.” This is a highly effective strategy because he doesn’t bring his personal life issues to work, nor does he take work home. There are clear boundaries that this ritual registers in his unconscious mind. In an office setting, I recommend clients develop their own similar ritual that is truly symbolic to them to help them set boundaries to demarcate work-life boundaries.
2. Prioritize Self-Care: Amidst the hustle of professional obligations, it's all too common for self-care to be sidelined. However, we must remember that our performance and productivity are intrinsically linked to our physical and emotional wellbeing. You simply cannot pour from an empty cup.
Consider this: regular exercise boosts energy levels and mental clarity, even if it's just a 30-minute walk during your lunch break or a brief morning workout. Pair this with a balanced diet - nutritious whole foods, adequate hydration - and you're equipping your body with the tools it needs to function optimally.
Never underestimate the power of a good night's sleep. Aim for 7-9 hours nightly, setting a pre-sleep routine if necessary to encourage relaxation and restfulness. Furthermore, carve out time in your schedule for relaxation and activities you genuinely enjoy. These can act as mini mental vacations, rejuvenating your mind and spirit.
In essence, self-care isn't an indulgence, but a fundamental necessity. Prioritizing it is a commitment to your overall wellbeing and long-term productivity.
3. Learn to Say “No.”: This one is often the area where my clients have the most difficulty and where we have to focus most of our work together. But, it’s okay to decline additional responsibilities that you can’t handle. In many corporate environments, the concept of being a “team player” is drilled into employees, and they misinterpret this to mean that “being a team player” means “never saying no.” But, that’s not what it means. “Being a team player” really means having strong communication skills, collaborating, actively listening, and engaging in problem-solving with others. It doesn’t mean agreeing to everything that is asked of you. Unfortunately, others in the organization may have not gotten this message either. So, it adds to the pressure for you to say yes for fear that others always are, and if you don’t, it will show you’re not a team player. So how to resolve this?
The answer lies in pulling out your job description to revisit what your duties are that are expected of you, and then looking at your performance review to understand the metrics by which you’re evaluated, and having honest discussions with your supervisor to ask ahead of time what you will need to do to get the rating you want.
4. Seek Support: Remember, you don’t have to do it all on your own. Delegate tasks when possible, and consider seeking professional help, such as therapy, to manage stress. When I worked as in-house counsel, I followed the 3D’s model for handling projects. Do, Delete, or Delegate. If I could do something in 2 minutes or less once it arrived in my email inbox, I would knock it out then. If it was just information, I would delete it. And if it really belonged with someone else, I delegated it. Not everything was my expertise, nor was it my responsibility. Often, when you take tasks on that don’t belong to you, it’s more about how you think others might not like you than it is about doing what’s best for the team.
5. Practice Mindfulness: The practice of mindfulness, or focusing intentionally on the present moment without judgement, is a potent tool for managing work-life balance and mitigating stress. In a world that often operates on autopilot, it offers a powerful anchor in the present, fostering mental calmness and enhancing productivity.
Cultivating mindfulness can be as accessible as a few minutes of meditation each day, which allows for a non-judgemental observation of our thoughts and feelings, and thereby reduces stress. Simple techniques like mindful breathing provide a mental respite, easily incorporated into daily life.
Beyond formal meditation, mindfulness can extend to routine activities like eating, walking, or working. This continual awareness and acceptance of experiences without being overwhelmed by them improves focus, emotional resilience, and job satisfaction, promoting a healthier work-life balance. The journey towards balance is not a sprint, but a mindful marathon — a continual process of adjustment.
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Achieving work-life balance is not a one-time event but a constant process. It's about being proactive, setting boundaries, and taking time for self-care. It’s okay to ask for help when needed, and therapy plays a significant role here. Therapy not only helps in managing stress and anxiety but also provides tools and strategies to better handle your professional and personal life.
In our next installment, "Sex and Stress: Unspoken Connections," we'll delve into the realm of sexuality and its relationship with stress, an often-underdiscussed topic. As always, I'm here to provide professional advice with discretion and understanding.
Remember, balancing work and life is not about perfection. It's about creating an environment where you can thrive both professionally and personally. It’s a journey, not a destination. Let's take that journey together.
Darrin Pfannenstiel is an attorney-turned-therapist serving men, women, and couples in the Dallas area and online at his private practice, Eros Counseling — www.eroscounseling.com.
He has practiced Buddhist meditation and mindfulness for over 25 years — having formerly taught at a Buddhist center when he lived in Austin. He specializes in helping women and men who are working professionals, business owners, and executives, or partnered to them.
As a Gestalt therapist, Darrin works with clients to help them gain insights into their experiences and emotions — specializing in guiding them to discover their inner strengths and make positive changes in their lives.
He is in the final stages of becoming a Certified Sex Therapist (CST), and is trained in The Gottman Method for couples counseling.
As a writer, Darrin aims to share practical strategies and insights to help readers improve their mental health and live a fulfilling life.
