How to Cope with Holiday Stress when the Tinsel Gets Tangled — 3 Techniques from a therapist
by Darrin Pfannenstiel, J.D., M.Ed. | Dallas Therapist specializing in Individual and Couples Counseling in the DFW Metroplex and throughout Texas
Halloween is over, the stores have started putting up the holiday displays. And while the upcoming holiday season brings with it all the festive lights and cheer, it can also bring a less welcome guest: stress. As the year winds down, the pressure often ramps up, and together it creates a paradoxical blend of celebration and tension. It's not just about preparing the perfect family dinner or finding that ideal gift; it's the accumulation of year-long exhaustion that chooses this supposedly joyful time to erupt. But what if you could dissipate stress as quickly as it appears?
In this post, I offer a trio of techniques that you can deploy in any stress-spike moment. These strategies, born out of my extensive experience with meditation, mindfulness, and therapeutic innovation, are your immediate go-to for when stress threatens to overstay its welcome.
Each is designed to help you respond to the three types of stressors you’re likely to encounter this time of year.
technique # 1: Mindful Breathing: Your Anchor in Turbulent Times
When To Use It: This technique is useful when you’re already in the middle of a situation and the stress has hit you. You’re already aroused and anxious.
When stress strikes, our breath shortens, and our body tightens. Often, the problem is that we feel overwhelmed in a public place or at a family gathering. And it strikes quickly, often without warning. For instance, the line at the store is long. The parking lot is hectic with everyone vying for that coveted spot upfront. Or that one friend or family member just said something provocative at Thanksgiving or other holiday gathering.
In each of these, we find that we have instantly become stressed or aroused. We start to feel annoyed and irritated -- maybe even overwhelmed in the moment. So, we want to either give up and just go home or we get “hyped up” with adrenaline and become aggressive. In each of these, at some level or another, we find our emotions – especially irritation - escalating. Yet, we can flip this this automatic response to become our ally.
But how?
The answer: Mindful breathing -- a simple and effective technique thousands of years old with deep roots in Buddhist tradition and backed by modern science.
A meta-analysis from The National Library of Medicine in January 2023 reviewing over 1,300 studies showcased that even brief mindfulness meditation practices can significantly reduce the stress hormone cortisol (Fincham, et al., 2023).
That’s great news because it means that you don’t have to be an adept meditator to get the benefits of mindfulness meditation!
Here’s how you can quickly harness this power:
Sit or stand comfortably; close your eyes (if possible).
Take a slow, deep breath.
Count to four as you inhale, hold for 1 moment; and
Count to six on the exhale.
Repeat for 4 - 5 breaths.
The key is to let your breath flow naturally, and with each exhale, imagine stress leaving your body like dark smoke dissipating into the air. You can also imagine the inhalation as bringing in a calming white light.
When I teach meditation and mindfulness, I also teach clients and students to use the sounds they hear around them. For example, as you’re breathing, really pay attention to what you hear. This would include all the hustle and bustle of other shoppers, for example, at a store.
Within 1 -2 minutes, you'll notice a calmer mind and a more relaxed body, proving that peace can be just a few breaths away.
technique # 2: Gestalt Sensory Grounding: Find Stability in Your Senses
When to Use It: This exercise would be useful when you’re stressed in anticipation of going to an event or out in public, for example, to do your holiday shopping. You haven’t gone out and about yet, but the thought of doing so has you filled with dread. This can help rid you of that feeling.
Gestalt therapy provides a wealth of techniques that bring us back to the “here and now,” which is crucial when stress pulls us into a whirlpool of “what-ifs.” The Here-and Now Exercise is a grounding technique that can quickly recalibrate your nervous system from fight-or-flight to rest-and-digest, a claim supported by findings published in The Journal of Clinical Psychology (Mander, J. et. al., 2019).
You can do this exercise in two ways:
The first is to locate an object in a room and examine it. As you observe the object, notice any tension you feel in your body. Next, tense that area of your body for about 5 seconds while you breathe naturally. Next, relax that area. This is a form of Progressive Muscle Relaxation. You could then go on to other areas of the body, tense those, and then release them. Then, tune into and pay attention to your anxiety or tension. Merely observe it as a sensation at the same time you continue to examine the object you located initially.
The second is simply to examine the object, while at the same time noticing what is in the background and periphery of the image such as other furniture, people, colors on the wall, artwork, etc. The goal is trying to pay attention to everything all at once. This acts as form of bringing you into your space and grounding you into the here-and-now. It can help to neutralize the threat you’ve likely envisioned in your mind as what’s going to stress you out when you leave your home or office. Said differently, it helps you realize that the so-called threat you’ve conjured up in your imagination is just that … an imaginary stressor. It’s not real; it’s a product of your imagination.
technique # 3: Bowen-Inspired Visualization: Relational Calm in an Instant
When to Use It: Use this technique when you’re at a gathering of people and you’re having difficulty with one or more persons at the event.
During the holidays, relational stress (i.e., stress emanating because of relationship challenges) can be particularly potent. Drawing upon the principles of Bowen family systems theory, you can use visualization to create a buffer zone of calm around you, even in the midst of chaos.
To do this, visualize your stress, anger, or irritation at the other person as a tangible object. Imagine placing it at a distance and observe it. Try to put it as far away from you in your mind visually as possible. Notice how it becomes less threatening when it's not within your immediate space. This mental repositioning can offer instant relief, as evidenced by research in International Journal of Clinical and Health Psychology (Werserbe, H. et al., 2018).
But what if the incident already happened and you’re still fuming about it after you leave? In this instance, make a slight adjustment. If you’re stuck on what happened, instead of viewing it from a first-person perspective, move it into a third-person perspective as though you’re a director watching what happened play out on a movie screen. See yourself and other person interacting and watch how each behaves. Again, this is effective because it puts distance between you and the event.
From Momentary Relief to Lifelong Resilience
These tools are more than just quick fixes—they're gateways to deeper therapeutic work. They provide a taste of what it's like to live with a sense of command over your internal landscape.
The beauty of these techniques lies in their immediacy, but their true power unfolds when integrated into a comprehensive therapeutic journey.
At Eros Counseling, I offer an empathetic, informed, and personalized approach to therapy. As a Buddhist meditator and former teacher with over 25 years of experience, I personally tailor meditation and mindfulness programs for my therapy clients. Or, we explore other techniques they can put into their arsenal.
Whether you're grappling with individual anxiety or navigating the complexities of relationships, I’m here to help you transform momentary stress relief into lifelong resilience.
A Personal Invitation
If the holidays bring more stress than cheer, it's not a burden you should carry alone. As a therapist specializing in helping clients find more calm and clarity in their lives, I offer a safe space for individuals and couples to explore, understand, and overcome the intricacies of anxiety and stress. Together, we'll develop strategies that not only work in the moment, but that also build a foundation for lasting peace and fulfillment.
Take the Next Step
Embrace the holiday season with a new perspective. Reach out to Eros Counseling, and let's begin your journey toward a calmer, more centered you. For more information or to schedule a session, visit www.eroscounseling.com or contact me directly at hello@eroscounseling or by calling 214-971-0067.
This holiday, give yourself the gift of serenity.
References
Fincham GW, Strauss C, Montero-Marin J, Cavanagh K. Effect of breathwork on stress and mental health: A meta-analysis of randomised-controlled trials. Sci Rep. 2023 Jan 9;13(1):432. doi: 10.1038/s41598-022-27247-y. PMID: 36624160; PMCID: PMC9828383.
Mander, J., Blanck, P., Neubauer, A. B., Kröger, P., Flückiger, C., Lutz, W., … & Heidenreich, T. (2019). Mindfulness and progressive muscle relaxation as standardized session‐introduction in individual therapy: A randomized controlled trial. Journal of clinical psychology, 75(1), 21-45.
Wersebe, H., Lieb, R., Meyer, A. H., Hofer, P., & Gloster, A. T. (2018). The link between stress, well-being, and psychological flexibility during an acceptance and commitment therapy self-help intervention. International Journal of Clinical and Health Psychology, 18(1), 60–68. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ijchp.2017.09.002
Darrin Pfannenstiel is an attorney-turned-therapist serving men, women, and couples in the Dallas area at his practice called Eros Counseling — www.eroscounseling.com.
He has practiced Buddhist meditation and mindfulness for over 25 years — having formerly taught meditation at a Buddhist center when he lived in Austin. He specializes in working with both individuals and couples.
Darrin helps clients gain insights into their inner strengths so they can learn how make their own positive changes in their lives.
He is also a Certified Sex Therapist (CST), and is trained in The Gottman Method for couples counseling.
As a writer, Darrin aims to share practical strategies and insights to help readers improve their mental health and live a fulfilling life.
(TX LPC Associate Supervised by Mary Sanger, TX LPC Supervisor)
